Got a quick question: Best Nutrisystem diet when I have little willpower? Looking forward for any answer. Another quick question... Well I'm back.....

It's been a little over two months since I posted that I had run into trouble and had fallen off the wagon hard. I had a new job, renovations at home, both of which caused stress and made kitchen access difficult. I had religious holidays, I found out my wife was pregnant (good, but stress inducing), and I was planning the unveiling (memorial) for my brother. Too much stress and too many opportunities at once, I feel off Nutrisystem and then got upset and for the first time since a hospital visit 11 years ago, my ED reserfaced with a vengence. After a couple weeks the binge/purge cycle was up to 2-3 times per day "but I was still loosing weight". That's when I realized I had lost it and posted about my problems..

I went to see the doc that had helped me through it last time and he of course pulled me off of Nutrisystem and ordered my scale to disappear. The hardest part is, if me at least, it's a bit easier to stop the purge than the binge because you have more time to think about the purge. That means weight gain is part of breaking the cycle for me, and that is a bit infuriating, but then again if I give in to that fury it just makes me want to purge and it's back....

I stuck around and posted here and there on Nutrisystem just so I wouldn't lose touch. I knew this was the place that would help me get back on track eventually. This has been the only plan in my life that allowed me to lose weight without triggering ED reactions - and this time around the problem wasn't really the diet, just too much life handled badly..

So Jan 2 I was feeling ready again...hadn't binged in two weeks...still seeing the doc...and he agreed it was time to think food plan again and ok'd my return to NS. I got on the scale for the first time and was upset beyond belief. I couldn't believe it was possible I gained as much as I did in such a short period of time. The doc reminded me that we once figured out that 10,000 calories per day wasn't abnormal for me when I was in a bad binge, and that adds up pretty fast. I can't put my weight chart up for now because seeing it really upsets me. I put away all my bears...

At least I didn't gain everything back....

Been back on for a week now, the weight is starting to come of. I donated a microwave to work to help with the lunches. The urge to cheat is still horribly strong some days, but I'm focussing on the goal and have only had one slip for a bag of chips in a week. I know as I continue to see the weight fall off that urge will reduce..

I'm going to be a dad... I will get in shape so I live long enough to be a good father to my child...I will get in shape so that I can run and play with my child..

So anyway I'm back... forgive the estro moment but I needed to vent. There are so few people I'm comfortable talking to about this stuff and I needed to say it to help me firmly plant the goal in my own head if nothing else.....